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Here I am sitting in the dark

After I ran away from the light,

Wondering why did I destroy my chances,

By running after an imaginary life full of fake people,

Why did I leave the people I love and care about?

I can see my future being destroyed in front of me,

And god knows it’s me, who is destroying it,

I had chances to reach for the stars,

To go up high on the stairs and look down to the moon,

The moment I saw how high the stairs are and no elevator I gave up,

My laziness is my powerful weapon and motivation became my prisoner,

My sorrow appears to me as happiness,

While in fact my true happiness in the dungeon locked up,

I can say I’m the perfect example of self destruction,

I don’t even need weapons of mass destructions,

All it toke was my hands and my blindness of true faith,

And on top of that,

I push away my true friends who are by the way very few in this world,

And replaced them with people who laugh at my failures, as well as envy my success,

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29 thoughts on “self destruction

    • the moment you feel something inside you, just write it down exactly the way you feel it. Dont change it to make it less sorrow or more beautiful. Thats the trick

  1. Once in a while we have periods in our lives where we are confused and lost, not knowing what to do or where our lives are going.. you say ” your laziness is a powerful weapon” it seems to me that you are depressed buddy, and i have been there also, pushed away the people who love me ( especially my loving gal who has always been there for me) hung out with the wrong crowd even though i knew they werent good because they were new and thats when my life went downhill..I was studying at Harvard, but because i was failing everything i ended up being kicked out, and the worst thing was that through out this ( i saw you say you will have to break up with your gal) my gal was there for me, i broke up with her, but still she was always texting me, emailing me, checking how i am, and i never responded, i did everything i could to cut her off and that really broke her heart.. In the end i finally started seeing the light when my gal stopped trying to talk to me, i was homeless because my parents kicked me out once i told them that i had been kicked out of Harvard, the so called friends that were always hanging with me suddenly became too busy for me, because i was in need of real help and in the end i was all alone.. It took all this to make me man up and start trying to fix my life, and i hope it will not take you as long at it did me and it wont take you losing the people you love to realize that your life is nothing with out them.. lol.. im starting to sound like a gal, but i just wanted to lay a piece of advice because i see myself in you amazing poem.. Oh and my gal, it took me a very long time but i managed to get some forgiveness from her and i tried everything in my power to make her happy and to change for the better, we have now been married 2 years (and that’s ironic seeing that i used to terrified of commitment) i managed to reapply to University and i now have my degree and my life is back in order.
    I wish you all the best bro and hope you find the reason for you destroying your life.
    😀

    • man you just showed me my life in the present, past ad future… its like u r my 2nd half on the other world… All I’m doing is hurting my girlfriend over and over again, what do you think i should do?, should i continue hurting her until i manage to fix my life or let her go until i fix my life. I’m making her life miserable.
      plz advice me buddy? (whats going on in y life is exactly (literally)what you went through)

      • Dude, when i was reading your poem i felt that you are going through what i went through you know, the feelings, the emotions are the same. Well my advice to you is that it depends you know, do you feel like your girlfriend loves you unconditionally? and do you love her, that is an important question to ask yourself, because for me, i was so confused that i thought i could easily shut down my feelings for her and the love will go away, but after a while with out her i realized i couldnt bare to live with out her, she is just so amazing, she put up with me when i was at my worst because she says she knew i was going through something i cant help and she cared about me too much to see me self destruct, and also the other thing is i lived like maybe a neighborhood away from her, so sometimes i would find out that guys out there are hitting on her or whatever and it would make me so pissed and jealous.. Do you think your gf is patient enough and loving enough to want to be with you through this hard time? ( coz the truth is some gals just dont give a crap you know, when things go bad they call it quits) And are you really hoping to fix your life and get rid of the laziness? if so then i suggest you stop pushing her away.. I mean if she is still waiting for you i would suggest you apologize and just be honest with her that you are not sure whats going on with you but you want to fix your life.. sometimes we underestimate women by thinking we have to make decisions for them and that they are weak, but in fact they are much stronger than us because they put up with us, and they can make up their own minds.. I would suggest you stop surrounding yourself with fake people and start surrounding yourself with people who actually care about you and who love you.. People who want to see you succeed. I hope my advice helped bro.. all the best to you . 🙂

  2. wooww dude!! you really love her!! and if you feel this way about her and that she is so great, i would suggest you hold on tight to her.. Because i’m not sure about the place that you live in, but where i am, great gf are hard to find.. They always either want money, or to use you, or just dont really care to be patient..Finding someone who loves you completely like that is so hard man.. Some people go their whole lives with out ever finding true love.. 🙂

  3. hey memo, if she is the best.. dont waste ur time thinking of hurting her.. dont huert sum1 who care so much about u.. think of it this way, what if u lose her now then in the future when u call she will never gonna pick up ur call no more, when u were down she will never gonna be there for u anymore.. instead she will be with another guy and give all what u guys build in the time u guys were togther to that other guy. think about it my frnd.. if u love her.. treat her ryte. and think.. i bet u ever said this to any of ur frnds.. “if she loves u, treat her ryte”.. so do u.. u will b happy and she will too.

  4. Okay, I said that I wouldn’t butt in but after reading all of the comments written here, don’t you think that you should be talking to her about all this and what she wants? Maybe you need to let her decide whether or not she is miserable with you or more miserable without you and love is never easy or we would all be walking around on cloud nine. love must be given and taken with the understanding that it has to be unconditional or it’s not really love at all. We tend to over think things sometimes to our own detriment. Since I have some behind the scenes knowledge, I can definitely say that you need to open up to her and TALK it out. That’s my butinskies opinion. hugs, Terri

      • You are welcome 🙂 I’m just trying to be my “mom” self and help. You are both miserable apart, it’s obvious and I’ve read you past poems which never sounded as forlorn as your present ones. Seems obvious to me that you need to be together, that’s all. Do call and talk to her, I think you will be glad that you did. hugs, Terri

  5. Beautiful poetry, wish more men wrote poetry for their women like you.. And i hope you manage to fix your life and stop self destructing.. The best thing to do when you are feeling lost in your life is to keep your family close.. The fake people should be cut off.. you have to change your daily routine, try to do more productive things everyday.. Start with one thing at a time.. :-)..lol, my psychiatry is coming out now, ill stop here, like i said, very talented.. 🙂

      • Ok, listen, trying for one day does not count as trying.. to get through something like this you have to give it your all every single day, for a really long time until it can finally be fixed.. It takes time and it takes courage and strength, with out you quitting..In life we usually become quitters because we are afraid of not succeeding

        • yeah so true, u know i have always been a dare devil (literally) my whole life. I was the good bad boy of the neighbor hood, which means people have always respected me and loved me because i never harm or insult anyone and yet they always expect anything from me. i was caught many times by the police, i always fight and almost died 4 times because of over speeding. i was never afraid of anything that might happen, i just do it and if it succeed i continue if not i just move to another thing. maybe i became afraid once i moved to a different country away from my family and true friends.

  6. Listen, i know this might be hard to hear, but the truth is you are afraid, and you need to realize that and figure out what is scaring you, it might be the fact that you are away from your comfort zone, because you used to be such a daredevil in back in your home, but really you were a daredevil because you always knew that you have your family to fall back on, you always had a back up, but then in the different country that you are in now, there is no fall back, and from what you have said, your gf seems to have been your fall back, but you have pushed your fall back away, so that means you have to start putting effort in the things that you do and not give up so quickly!! :-).. i’m glad i could be of some help.. 🙂

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